NOTE: This is a pre-blog 'post' from February 26th 2005
You can't help but compare your children at various stages and in general.
For example, Zoe is now 14 months and 31 inches tall. So just for kicks I thought 'how old was Liam when he was 31 inches?'... Turns out he was just 7 months, barely sitting on his own, couldn't quite maneuver his giant tongue to get food down rather than out. He was 4 months from crawling and another 7 months from his first steps. Amazing. Imagine Zoe today but basically immobile but with a fabulous smile (Zoes’ is more mischievous), big dimples (hers are smaller and less obvious) and huge blue eyes (hers are pretty but not THAT big and piercing) - and chubbier... with less hair. Zoe may be a big girl but she's still tiny compared to her big brother!
But there are other ways in which they differ so widely that it's a wonder they are from the same gene pool. I remember a conversation, or twenty, with Andrea and Maria - mothers of first daughters - about getting housework done with my favourite little boy toddling around the house after me. I was completely exasperated - getting ANYTHING done around the house was an insurmountable chore. Was it me? Did I ever manage to have a clean house before children? I couldn't recall. How did these other moms do it?
"Doesn't he try to help you?" they asked.
Help me? HELP ME? What did they mean by this? Help me?! - He starts off 'helping' and less than a minute later he has figured out the purpose of the task AND the best way to sabotage it. If I was putting laundry INTO the machine, he would take it out. If I was taking it out he would THROW IT DOWN THE STAIRS. If I was sweeping he'd start by copying me with his little broom and then turn it into a missile, toddling through my nicely swept pile while aiming for the most breakable item in reach. Making the bed was a nightmare. And when all else failed to derail me he'd just WAIL. Once his vocabulary was up there he would beg "mommy play cars?" over and over, refusing to even see a little bit of fun in helping me with whatever task I was hoping to get done and had already put off for who knows how long. At 3 and a half, he still refuses to help me for longer than about 2 minutes and then turns his extensive preschool vocabulary and finely honed negotiating skills onto why he should do almost anything other than what I want – or maybe he should just watch a little bit of TV so he can stay out of my hair...
The funny thing is that he would always help Steve. He loved to get in there and help with whatever IKEA furniture we had bought recently. Cooking with Daddy was and is a blast! And vacuuming with Daddy is just plain fun! Is it me? Am I just not patient enough? Or am I just the wrong role model?
Now we have Zoe. The first time I understood that toddlers could Actually, Truly, HELP you clean and get stuff done was when she took an interest in the laundry about a month ago. She decided to empty the machine for me (we have a front loader), even making sure the clothes made it into the basket! For a few days emptying the washing machine was her special task. She no longer finds the emptying-the-washing-machine-task as interesting and when she has had enough, she puts the last item in the basket and CLOSES THE DOOR.
It only took her a few times to get that certain things - usually found on the floor- are 'yucky' and go in the garbage. Now when she finds one of these things, she says "eew" and DEMANDS that we open the garbage for her. Liam only just figured out where the garbage was three months ago.
Ask her to do a task and off she goes willingly; she'll get her own diaper, look for lost toys - Liam still just stands in the middle of the room crying "I can't find it, its gone! What are we going to do??" She even goes to get Liam's water cup whenever he has one of his break down "I'M THIRSTY!!!"'s, to which I usually respond "Where's your water bottle" While he stands/sits there claiming "I don't know, it's lost" or some such excuse, Zoe walks up and hands it to him, then toddles off back to her toys. That has happened about 3 time now.
Lately she has discovered where her dirty clothes go and insists on putting them there herself when she gets undressed. And of course any other clothes lying around on the floor in the kids room.
So, are these behaviour patterns because she's a girl and he's a boy? Does she see me constantly tidying and cleaning and figure that she should too? (Did I mention she also takes the wet cloth I use to wipe her face and wipes down whatever she happens to be near - her high chair, the floor, the garden toy...) Does Liam see me, and NOT daddy, do the cleaning and figure its not up to him? (Unless it IS Daddy doing the cleaning...) Do these kids just recognize which parent is the appropriate gender role model - at like 12 MONTHS - and try to emulate them? Or, is this just WHO THEY ARE as people, regardless of gender?
I’m betting it’s a little bit of both.
